I have my moments and this is one of them.  I never claimed to be the smartest guy in the world.  Everyone knows that’s Mr. Feeney from Boy Meets World, or maybe that dorky, skinny kid on Criminal Minds.  At any rate, it’s not me but I do have my moments.  Sometimes I just have those ideas that really seem ridiculously brilliant.  This one is for a business.

Most food you eat tastes better cooked than uncooked.  For example, chicken fingers, pot roast, meat loaf (not the singer though I’m sure he’s delicious), alligator, meatballs, potatoes, and the list goes on.  There is one food that no doubt tastes better pre-baking, and I’m not referring to squirrel.

Cookie Dough.

It’s delicious.  Have you ever met someone who doesn’t like cookie dough?  The highlight of my mother making cookies when I was a kid took place BEFORE she made the cookies.  It was when she made the dough.  I would be willing to be that overall people enjoy cookie dough more then cookies.  Therefore it would be fair to say that baking the cookies takes a good product and ruins it.

Note:  I realize that you may or may not die of salmonella from ingesting said cookie dough and strongly advise taking caution when devouring large chunks of it.

So why not open a bakery where you only server cookie dough?  If I had the choice of going to a cookie bakery or a cookie dough bakery I’d head for the dough baby, and burn that cookie bakery to the ground in the process (not really though)!

As stated above, I realize the risk of serving uncooked food but if Cold Stone Creamery and Maggie Moo’s can do it, why can’t other people?

Just sayin’, I think it would be huge.

So it’s already coming up on fantasy football season as most drafts are about a month away.  I’ve been in the same keeper league for the past 4 seasons and it’s quite competitive.  It’s been a straight snake draft style with a pretty loose free-agent policy (that’s what she said) until this year.

Now we make the transition from standard to auction-style drafting.  This is where an owner nominates a player for bidding and every team decides how much they are willing to pay for said player.  Naturally, this changes the keeper strategy a bit.  Previous strategy was to keep your best players no matter what.  Now you have to keep the best value.  For instance, if you think you can get Peyton Manning back for cheaper than the listed value, you drop him and vice versa.

We use a $200 salary cap with increasing salaries each year.  It’s a pretty standard scoring system.  Here are my guys and their values:

• Joseph Addai - $54
• Marion Barber - $36
• Ronnie Brown - $20
• Steve Smith - $30
• Plaxico Burress - $26
• Santonio Holmes - $22

So who should I keep?

“My only message is simple. The National League needs to join the 21st century.  They need to grow up and join the 21st century.” -Hank Steinbrenner

Hanky made this brilliant deduction after his only starting pitcher tore a tendon in his foot while running the bases versus the Astros Wednesday.  Apparently no one asked his opinion before implementing inter-league play.  He feels his pitchers, who are referred to as athletes, shouldn’t have to travel anymore than the distance between the mound and the dugout.

Join the 21st century?  Apparently pitchers on the Brewers are rounding the bases with wooden clubs chanting “unga bunga” like cavemen and need to evolve so much that they can’t perform the simple task of running 270 feet without crippling themselves.  Evolved pitchers can only perform one task, pitching.  They certainly can’t multitask and do crazy stuff like pitch, hit, and run.

Don’t blame the National League for your problems Hanky.  Maybe if you didn’t put your season in the arms of Ian Kennedy and Phil Hughes we wouldn’t have to listen to your ridiculous mouth every week.  Stick to your box and leave the league to people who didn’t inherit everything they “earned”.

I have a confession to make.

I’m a Mets fan.

That’s right.  Any objectivity towards the New York Mets and rivals of the Mets ahem … Phillies … ahem is usually thrown out the window, despite my best efforts.

That being said, one of my best friends is a fan of said Phillies.  We bet every year on who’s team will have a better regular season record since we both know our team will win the World Series (even though the Phillies haven’t won a world series since we were blessed with his presence on this planet).  The bet starts with much ferocity and conviction, but by the end of the year we usually forget what the terms were.

No More!

I hereby post this year’s bet on the very popular, award-winning, JustSayin.net.  Let it be heard today that Danny Douglass of DannyDouglass.com and myself have wagered on the overall regular season records of the Phillies and the Mets.  Whereby if the Mets have a better regular season the good guy (that’s me) wins and if the crappy, smelly Phillies have a better regular season record the bad guy (Danny) wins.

The loser (Danny) of the bet must choreograph a 60 second rhythmic gymanstics routine and perform it in front of at least 5 people and a video camera.  They (Danny) must then post that video on their website permanently for our loyal listeners to view.

So it has been written, so it shall come to pass.  I’ve already got some nice tights picked out for you Danny.  Would you like ribbons in your hair as well?

Go Mets!

25th in avg.
16th in HR’s
19th in RBI’s
24th in slugging

Those are Carlos Delgado’s rankings against all other first basemen in the Major Leagues who have at least 40 games played.

You ask why the Mets aren’t hitting, I give you the $16 million man.  You heard me.  One of the highest paid first basemen in the league and he’s putting up numbers that rank him #20. At least he’s no longer batting in the 5-hole.  Last night against San Fransisco, manager Willie Randolph batted him 7th, and he may even belong lower than that.

He doesn’t have the power he used to have, can’t keep up with fastballs, has never been fast, and his defense is terrible.  Not to mention that he can’t hit the ball to the opposite field.  If the Mets are going anywhere this year, it’s with Carlos Delgado pinch hitting.

David Stern can breathe.  It’s not gonna be a Spurs/Pistons file AGAIN.  Instead we get the dream Celtics v. Lakers, Boston v. L.A., Garnett v. Kobe, the Big 3 v. Phil, Derek Fisher V. Rajon Rondo, er, well the other comparisons are pretty good.  But it’s nice to get that instead of Rip Hamilton v. Bruce Bowen for a change.

I’ll admit I had the Spurs winning it all again just because they are so good in the playoffs, but it’s clear the fix is in.  Conspiracy theorists everywhere unite!

How could you not call a foul on Derek Fisher at half court in game 4?  How do you let Joey Crawford ref playoff games against Tim Duncan considering their history?

Because the fix is in.

How can you not win a road game in the first two rounds of the playoffs and suddenly win 2 against the Pistons?

Because the fix is in.

Now Stern can cancel the “1,000th fan in the building becomes the Spurs 6th man” competition that he had scheduled for the finals just in case, the Hooters girls will have to cancel their travel arrangements, Eva Longoria can post her finals tickets on StubHub, and the Pistons don’t have to trade for Isiah Thomas.

This series will go 7 games and if the refs can manage it they’ll send it to overtime so they can get in some more commercials.  It was sealed the minute after K.G. signed with Boston in the offseason.

Just sayin’, I’ll see everyone in Boston for game 7.  Until then, why even bother watching?

I’m at a wedding this weekend (again) down in Newport News, VA and enjoying the hotel room to myself this morning so why not blog.  Also, if you’re ever in the area at 5:00 on a Friday, avoid the Coliseum area of Hampton.  I’m now looking forward to a nice combination of wings and cold ones at B-Dubs down the street … mmm Caribean Jerk.

Now, on to Chipper.  Can he hit .400?

Yes.

Will he hit .400?

No.

And trust me I have him on my fantasy team so I’d like to see it.  It’s just that the game has changed a lot since Ted Williams hit .400 in 1941.  Back then pitchers actually threw complete games every time out.  Batters didn’t see 5-6 different pitchers per game, including relievers brought in just to get one out.

But it’s just not gonna happen.

• Rod Carew .458 - 1983
• Rico Carty .432 - 1970
• Hank Aaron .427 - 1959
• Chipper Jones .418 - 2008
• Todd Helton .415 - 2000
•  Larry Walker .409 - 1997
• Rod Carew .405 - 1974
• Tony Gwynn .402 - 1997

This is the list of hitters that were over .400 at this point in the season since Ted Williams.  Yeah, they were all ok.  Except for some reason I’ve never heard of Rico Carty, but I’m sure he was great.

Obviously none of these players ended up .400+.  Let’s also not forget the fact that Chipper is no spring chicken anymore and always gets hurt.  At some point in the season he will break down.  He’ll either get hurt and go to the DL or get hurt and try to play hurt, and then the average will drop.  Granted he will probably still bat .380 but I’ve always said .380 is not .400.

So in the end, Chipper will have one of the best years of his career, miss the playoffs and probably never play this well again.  It’s Larry’s farewell tour.

 This season, I’m on 2 different kickball teams.  You heard me, kickball.  That game we all played during recess in elementary school with the big red rubber ball.  And just as Dothan, Alabama is the center of the hockey universe, D.C. is the center of the adult kickball universe.  It’s really fun and much more defensive than you think.  For example, last night, we scored 3 runs in the bottom of the 5th to win 4-3.

At the beginning of the season I wrote the below suggestions to my team to help us win some games and since then we are 3-2 which is remarkable for a new team, not that these suggestions had anything to do with that but I like to pretend.  Some are about kickball and some are to help you live a better life.  Either way, I hope there’s something in there for everybody.

1. Never date anyone named Trixie. Seriously, have you ever known a stable person in real life or in movies named Trixie?
2. When kicking, try and keep the ball on the ground.  I know it’s fun to try crush the ball as far as possible, but with 11 fielders, fly balls are the easiest way to make an out.  They just have to catch it.  With a ground ball, they have to field it, throw a big awkward ball across the field accurately, and then another person has to catch it.  Make them earn your out.  Also, it’s more fun to beat out a ground ball, stay on base, and ultimately score a run because you’re just involved in the game longer.
3. Never play cards against a guy with the same first name as a city.
4. On defense, if you don’t think you’re gonna get the person out, don’t make the throw.  Just get it back to the pitcher.  You want the ball in your control as much as possible (that’s what she said), even if it means running the ball in from the outfield.
5. Wear velcro shoes, they’re coming back in style ( I hope).
6. On defense, ask yourself every play, “How many outs are there and if the ball comes to me, what do I do?”  If you don’t know the answer, just ask someone next to you.  They probably won’t throw you in the Potomac.  The result becomes “now you know, and knowing…”  well, you get it.
7. Whenever you get the chance, kick Hillers in the shins.  I promise it will make you smile.
8. Also if you get the chance, try a Crunch Wrap Supreme from Taco Bell.  Delectable.  Especially when hungover, that grade D meat really does the trick.
9. Final tip for this week, HAVE FUN.  We are adults playing a 4th grade gym class game.  There are worse places we could be, like Jersey.  Now all we need to do is find a Crab Soccer tournament.

In your everyday life, if there was a way for you to make sure every decision you made could be reviewed by someone would you do it?  Don’t answer yet.  Let’s say that someone had more information than you did at the time of the decision, had different angles to look at it, and had more resources to consult.  Then let’s add the fact that they could get that information to you in less than 2 minutes.  Wouldn’t you want that in your corner?

I’m talking about instant replay and I’m talking about getting it into Major League Baseball.  A couple of key plays this week stuck out to show us just how hard it is to get every call right in a split second all the time.

On Sunday night, Carlos Delgado hit a ball down the left field line in Yankee Stadium that curved, hit the foul pole, and went over the wall on the foul side of the stands.  The initial call was home run.  The umpires then got together, discussed for a few minutes, and changed the ruling to foul.  The initial fair call was correct.  I’m not sure what they thought the ball hit that caused it to ricochet directly left like a NASCAR, but the point is they had it right, stopped the game to talk about it, then incorrected their call by saying it was foul.  Right after the play, ESPN was showing replays and there was no doubt it was a fair ball.  The fans knew it, the people in the press box knew it, ESPN knew it, and everyone sitting on their couch hundreds of miles away knew it.

Why is it the only people who didn’t know it were the ones who get to make the game-changing decision?

The very next night in Houston, the same basic thing happened when umpires decided a ball off the center field wall was in play, when viewing the replay moments afterward clearly showed it was not.  Again, everybody knew except for the people on the field.

Does this make sense to anyone?  Fans should not be able to make more educated calls than the umpires and officials at the game.  We have the technology to check 412 angles of a play, within seconds of it happening, and we won’t use it because it’s cute to watch Dusty Baker kick dirt on a fat guy in a funny hat.

Here’s a very basic, simple solution.

Step 1 - Add one umpire to the crew, he will be the replay umpire and sit up in the press box.  His job is to review objective, questionable calls.  Maybe we could just put him in front of a TV that gets ESPN and he could watch that for God’s sake.

Step 2 - If he sees that a call is wrong, which he could probably do in about 17 seconds, he uses what I like to call a “Walkie-Talkie” to radio down to an on-field umpire the correct call.  I’m not sure if you watch a lot of baseball, but it’s not the fastest moving game in the world so 17 seconds shouldn’t disrupt things too much, especially considering the number of pitching changes that can happen in 1 inning sometimes.

Step 3 - Said on-field umpire listens to “Chunky” up in the press box and corrects the call accordingly.

That really shouldn’t be that difficult.  If you’ve ever been to a NASCAR race you’ve probably seen FanScan.  It’s a portable TV that thousands of fans have which allow them to watch the TV coverage of the race, while listening to it on headphones.  If we can give so-called “red neck” (keep in mind I love NASCAR races) race fans this kind of technology in the palm of their hand, why can’t umpires have it?

Isn’t the most important thing making the correct call and not shutting some team out of the playoffs because “human error is part of the game, and it’s charming”?  What a joke.